I'm still having a hard time. It's not so hard for me to not talk to him anymore. I change his name in my phone. So he's no longer the first on my list. But that makes me wonder if he changed my am i not "a - babytron" :/ anymore. He's still my background on my phone, and makes me wonder if he already changed his. He's doing a great job at making me sick to my stomach. Every new friend, a girl. New picture, he looks so cute. He won't talk to me and I know he won't. It's going to take time, but I just don't want to wait.

He really made such a mistake and it just bugs me that he's just too stubborn to admit it. I am so torn over him, but finally I feel like.. people/guys? are giving me attention again. I really don't want it, from them. But I need attention to get me back to feeling better. Hearing people tell me they think I'm cute or beautiful or gorgeous or too attractive to even be talking to them, cheers me up. I don't think it really. I mean, I won't sit around and honestly think I'm ugly but I don't think I'm all that great. And it really just feels nice to hear people telling me they would die to be with me and how stupid Kevin was to just throw it away. My friend Jason who made the same "mistake" is talking to me again and says him and Kevin are one in the same because Jason knew how good I was for him and how well I treated him, but was too stupid and stubborn to get it right. Now a year since I've seen him he still talks to me and tells me how he fucked up and how I'm the most girl friend material he's ever met.

I don't think I'm honestly gonna try to be with anyone because frankly I know what will happen and I'm not interested in investing real emotions into someone else quite yet. But I think I need to get out. Maybe even go on a few dates, meet some people. I need to do something.