There is a slight change in my plan to destroy Kevin's life.

Alex came and saw me, and when I say he's gorgeous.. to me. He is. It's so strange, seeing him in person and talking to him.. his smile, what he likes, how he dresses, etc. Is honestly... a mixture of every GOOD qualities all of my ex's i fell hard for have. Like, it's hard to explain. He has a lot of Brian's charisma, he has Mike's smile for sure and definitely has just. I can't explain. Like, I look at him and can't help but fall for him because he just seems so familiar to me. I didn't even realize this, before we met.

He honestly, is probably as close to perfect as I'm going to get right now. He's super clingy and thinks I'm beyond perfect and too good for him. I like that, why? I don't know. He gets jealous, but keeps to himself about it. (Like Kevin) And just so much. I wasn't planning on doing what I did tonight, if you catch my drift. But it happened and that was the only disappointing part. May it have been that we were sexually frustrated from the get go... I don't know. But it wasn't up to par. I really am not stoked that we did that, especially because it was in his car in some parking lot. (Jeesh where'd my standards go) But, I wanted it. It happened.

I wasn't planning on being serious with ANYONE I was talking to.. right now. I figured, I'd talk to a few people and they'd usually have the same feeling on the matter. But he almost told me he was falling in love with me when we were hanging out. He didn't say it in those words, he asked me if it was bad that he could see himself really liking me. After already telling me he did like me. So I'm drawing conclusions.

So needless to say, I really like this boy. He's absolutely wonderful and flatters me beyond belief. He calls me his, and calls me cute nicknames. He tells me he wants to keep me forever and hopes I don't break his heart etc. I mean, I definitely wasn't looking for this. I definitely didn't intend for this. But I'm going for it. I'm damage goods, but I don't want to fuck up a possibility just because i'm still "torn". I'm not going to rush anything. I'm going to see him for the next two weeks, go to Virginia for another two. Come back and if things are still the same.. maybe then we'll date. I don't want to fuck this up.