I'm so desperate for the future to happen. I'm rushing and rushing and rushing and I'm missing all these special moments that I should be cherishing.

I just want to be a wife, with a kid, in a loving home. Away from here, in a dainty cute house. Baking cookies and cleaning off scraps off my child's knees. Getting dinner ready before my husband gets home. And running to the door to give him a kiss once he arrives and ask him how his day has been. Taking off his coat, and hanging it up. Setting up the table just how he likes and make him his favorite meal.

I'm still so young and there's so much to give up just to get to that.

But, I just want it. I want it now. I want it forever. I am sick of my temporary bullshit.

Someone, about a month ago, made me realize just how I live my life. I make everything so temporary, just so it's easier for me to throw it all away in the end. I don't want temporary happiness anymore, or temporary friends, or temporary love. I want it all, forever. I want people to stick around. For me to want them to and for them to want to.