i'm disappointed.

i'm disappointed in myself.
i'm disappointed in my "Friends".

things with kevin, are really great. he met my mom. she thinks he's a "little too skinny" but like that really matter.
i'm sick and kevin is like dying sick. so i've been taking care of him.

i'm doing horrible in school. well, not exactly. but i've fallen behind because i don't keep track. and my logic class is kicking my ASS because none of it makes sense... and by that i mean, the teacher has quizzes that have to do with the reading and the reading.. has none of the answers. so i'm just lost. rah but whatever.
i'll do it.

i need to do a lot of cleaning around here.



i pierced my bridge again and my belly button.
ugh. i'm so out of it. i don't know what's really going on in my head anymore.

my "friends" aren't really my friends anymore and i only have a few people i'm really holding onto anymore. i'm really sick of "part-time" friends.
when it comes to friendship, if you're willing to put effort towards either being there for me or even just coming to me when you need something. i will give you my all, there are no questions asked. but i can't be expected to pry people open when they refuse to talk to me or don't talk to me for weeks at a time? like i can't do that. everyone is busy and has things going on in their lives. i'm stressed out with school and having to please everyone and make sure my relationship is doing good and doesn't fall apart and that i have money to buy food so i have something to eat. and there's so much more to it, but i can't just waste all my "energy" on making sure everyone is happy. i'm more than willing to, but you have to step up and be that person that comes to me and tells me there's something wrong. not just messaging me once a week or once in a blue moon to be like "ugh hdfjsdngdgnjdf" and then disappear. :[
so many people have been doing this, or i'll even go out of my way to give someone a shoulder to lean on and they just kind of reject it and just not really talk to me. i can't deal with that. if you don't want my help, then fine i won't offer it anymore. if you don't care enough to let me help you out then don't bother.


ugh
/rant