ugh. so kevin's like "deathly ill" and i have been taking care of him hand and foot since saturday. that alone, has gotten tiring. i haven't been able to sleep much because all he's been doing is laying around sleeping and resting and nothing else. yesyes, he's supposed to do that i know. he's sick. but you can't just do nothing and lay around. do a little something so that you're productive. he has a lot of things to do like drawing, being sick doesn't mean he can't draw. ya know?
well, whatever thats not really the issue.
but i always have been on/off sick since friday. i've been like pukey mc puke face. and now i probably have whatever kevin has and i'm laying in bed this morning and FINALLY he calls the doctor and makes an appointment and he tries to wake me up and see if i'll go with him. and i tell him i'm sick and can't move and that i'm sorry and he goes "you're tired, i know. it's okay i understand." no i'm not tired, well yes actually very tired. i've been trying to please you and get you to health since saturday and havent slept much. yes i'm very tired. but more or less i'm sick, sick because of you and sick because of stress and sick because i havent been able to sleep in how many nights.
ugh

so here i am now. fucking sick and feeling like death. it feels like rigor is setting in on my body, but i'm still alive.
and i have to not only care for myself, but kevin. and no one's going to baby me and make sure i'm okay. it's all about kevin. it always will be. when i'm not sick, that's fine. i don't mind catering to kevin. but when i'm sick too, this gets difficult.